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~Under the moon rain I hate myself and want to...~
18 February 2007 @ 09:04 pm
hell of a month.

- passed my first project on the second try (amazing)
- second project research blah
- third project my teacher needs to be the fuck around
- physics is a breeze, if only it wasn't so cold to walk to
- got my extensions / saki hair for the Dir en grey shows done!
enough normal stuff...

- Feb 5th, Dir en grey in Baltimore , Ramshead Live. ROCKED.
-- notes on it: so much merch was fun to sell. Harry rocks to work for. Shinya was so close to me but I clammed up. Die was smoking, drinking coffee, leaning back on the bar, and smirking at the world. Toshiya walked around sticking his nose in the staff food sniff sniff.
- Feb 6th, Dir en grey in Philadelphia , Theatre of the Arts Live. Rocked.
-- Fair to Midland sounded better. Bleed the Dream rocks to hang out with. Tom, drummer, kicks ass. Ate veggie with Harry and Gene (Shinya's US drumtech). Had Ichigo Bubble Tea. YUM! Stood even closer to Shinya. Clammed up again. Harry fussed at me for not talking to him (Shinya). Die and Toshiya wandered around... and Shinya followed them around like a puppy. Was found by Elizabeth! W00T! Almost ran smack dab into Kaoru. And was bowled over by Harry (hug central).
- Feb 9th, New York. Fun trawling. Nice hostel (Upper West Side YO! Manhattan rocks my ass!)
- Feb 10th, Dir en grey in New York , Nokia Live. ROCKED THE FUCKING HOUSE!
-- Front and center on Shinya. My ribs have FINALLY healed (week+ since). Finally saw Kyo at soundcheck. He left after a song and a half. Gene wasn't happy about that. Too much issue with feedback. But it didn't mess up during the concert. Luck. ZOMG too great. Read blind_aiko's report for more.
- Feb 15th, DC. Katsucon set up with Nicole, John, Marie, Dani, and Nikki. Good ole time and SUSHI!
- Feb 16th, Katsucon still. Friday felt like Saturday. Duel Jewel photoshoot. I got one of Hayato's feathers... he was molting. XD "Had dinner" with Hayato and val. *snickers* By proxy. More SUSHI! Convinced Marie to get Hayato and val to "ice skate" with us on the super frozen snow. Video taped it! Yay camera phone! Busted my hip on the ice earlier. LOL. Go me.
- Feb 17t, Katsucon and home.
that leaves us with today, and cleaning / rearranging my apartment. XD And taking out part of my braids. Head feels better!

*clutches Dir en grey picks* So much love. We're gonna see BLOOD in DC in March. Too bad they're not close on my birthday. 3 days before. Moo. Yay for getting old. *wink*

*sighs* I don't want to go to class tomorrow. Murr. Oh well.
Current Mood: spastic
~Under the moon rain I hate myself and want to...~
27 January 2007 @ 08:56 am
not the best of times, though I've definitely been in worse times.
here's the skinny, for those who care, mostly for me because I need to speak it.

1) I lost my job because of store cut backs.
2) I've no voice, or more it's so manged and can't hit most pitches at the moment it might as well be completely gone. This is a once a year thing.
3) I have a third ticket for Dir en grey in NYC and I doubt Larissa's going to be going with us, so I have a 40$ ticket... I need another person to go, I need the money for that ticket to travel.
4) I've 40$ to get me through... that's it... 40$, not even, something like 35$...
5) I've a 60 something electricity bill due in a few days.

The only good thing is Nicole took us to see Letters From Iwo Jima yesterday evening.
I guess now I don't have to worry about work getting in the way of school, for the time being...
Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: Incubus - Megalomaniac
~Under the moon rain I hate myself and want to...~
20 December 2006 @ 04:03 pm
So I didn't go to work this week...
migraine for a couple days and recouping from the semester...
plus I wasn't scheduled...
So I took to cleaning instead...
And getting ready to go home.
My baby now has a halter so she doesn't have to be in her cage the entire trip.
Tomorrow's payday, so I can finally pay bills then buy some Christmas presents for my friends.

Richard - Chai Tea set
Rhi-chan - a photo of us in a best friends frame... it'd be nice to make one istead of buy it...
Daniel - umm... he wants a new car, I don't think I can get him that XD
Evan - NES game (yes NES!)
Nicole - um... x.x something eventually... moop maybe some Merry
Lise - note telling XP
Andy - probably draw something as a gift
Erica - mm... not sure...
Indy - gourmet doggie treats
Cricket - gourmet doggie treats
Katie - lump of coal -- kidding, um, maybe some catnip, but mom'd hate that
Mama and Boo - a warm kitty bed
Maggie - kitty bed?
Georgie - a "designer" kitty carrier and some new mice
Daddy - vintage/retro books (check!)
Mama - apparently D and I got her some pretty glass vase
Wes - a Troma film...
Becca - some Jose and limes XD

... Hard to go shopping with this list! XD

Also tomorrow is the day Daddy and D get here to take us home. Yays! I also should buy a car charger for my iPod, but they're so expensive... moop. Mm... s'only 4 pm... how boring... I should clean more before the sun sents and I have to turn on lights... sooo! *disappears*
Current Music: Rentrer en Soi - PROTOPLASM
~Under the moon rain I hate myself and want to...~
17 December 2006 @ 11:37 am
Things are finally over and I'm going home.
As and Bs all the way. I feel proud of myself.
Really tired, physically, mentally, emotionally.
But the end result makes it all worth it.
I need to clean, but I'm really sore from boxing books and carrying the boxes.
Daddy's getting me new Copics for Christmas and I got an offer to put some of my characters on t-shirts.
It's all gone by so fast.
But I'm glad it's over, it means I can take a break from things that are bothering me, in a place where those things are no where near... out of sight, out of mind... hopefully.

"It started out in tears, let's make this year end, end with a smile." - Pensive, "Star at the Stars"
Current Music: ナイトメア ー the WORLD/アルミナ
~Under the moon rain I hate myself and want to...~
15 December 2006 @ 04:27 am
I'd lain down to sleep after a lovely night of drinking and celebrating the end of the semester with some friends... though I was sadly stone sober even after 8 amaretto sours, I was happy. Mostly. We passed Alley Katz on the way back to the car from whatever pub it was my friends dragged us to, McCormick's I think, and all I could think was "I saw Pensive there, I miss them". I didn't think much on it again until I went to lie down at 3 am... it's now after 4, I can't sleep. Why? Cause I had a desperate NEED to listen to Pensive. I had lyrics to January Embers and Another Unknown Tragedy stuck in my head as I pulled up the covers and snuggled down. I wish I could have made it to their last Chapel Hill show, I feel so bad about it... I didn't get out of work in time to make the 4 hour drive and actually get to the show, so we didn't go, even though Nicole'd told the guys we would come. I feel horrible about it, even now. I really wish I could have gone. Then we'd planned on trying for one of the shows in TN, but neither of our cars could have made it and no one else cared to come with us, drive us.

So now I think I'll leave Pensive's website up and listen to the tracks as they play on repeat. All night. And if I don't sleep, tough nookies for me, but I just can't take not listening to them right now.

On a latter note: I've been really down lately, despite hanging out from time to time with good friends. I don't know why, perhaps the stress of the semester is setting in now that it's over and I'm letting myself feel it, but I don't think that's entirely it. I've had a lot of fun this semester, but I'm such a horribly needy person, it's bad. I feel like sometimes I have to be around people all the time just so I can see their smiles and feel some of their happiness just to be happy when I don't have any other reason to be. I'm a social leach. I need it. To see others happy and smiling gives me a vicarious high. Like I don't matter, my happiness doesn't matter, as long as everyone else is happy and I can some how share in that just by existing around them. I'm bloody well human, alright. I just miss certain people... and others I feel bitter about. It hurts, things that have come to pass... and people I thought would be there aren't, weren't, and now I see never will be. I gave up on those, only to find more that follow the same path. I'm just really tired now, emotionally. I look in my eyes and despite the mask or temporary bubbles of feeling, I still see the depth of how tired I am, soul-weary. I think my bedroom at my parents house sounds like a lovely 2 week retreat. I'm really looking forward to it. Maybe hermit-dom will be good for me. Not like it's a lot different from the past month and a half, but it's slightly different. "This is the last smile That I'll fake for the sake of being with you Everything falls apart Even the people who never frown Eventually break down"

So tonight, adieu. Soon the sun will start to come up. Soon another day will dawn. Today will be monotony. But that's okay. Go listen to some Pensive. And knit me a sweater cause I can't knit.

Parting words: "Count the stars to the moon I did this all just for you Nothing's good enough I'm trying to love you Just tell me what should I do Nothing's good enough"

"It's like breathing underwater Silver-blue And everything has turned to black The stars above not longer shine The sky is falling down around me Darkness fills all corners of my eyes I'm lost in this dream"

And last but not least, because at the last show we went to, Julio dedicated this to us, a song rarely played live....

"Stare At The Stars"

How did this start, was it something I said
Was it something I did, I'm sorry
The worst thing in the world
Is seeing you cry, seeing you cry.

I know we can't change the past
We can change the future
Soon we'll be free
To do what we want in my car
And stare at the stars.

My resolution
Is to never disappoint you again
Started out in tears
Let's make this year end, end with a smile.

I know we can't change the past
We can change the future
Soon we'll be free
To do what we want in my car
And stare at the stars.

Twilight sky
Stars will shine
You're my light.

I know we can't change the past
We can change the future
Soon we'll be free
To do what we want in my car
And stare at the stars.

Please support Pensive. http://www.pensive.net
Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: Pensive - Another Unknown Tragedy
~Under the moon rain I hate myself and want to...~
11 December 2006 @ 10:14 pm
So we had a small Christmas party, some friends from class. It was fun, some fondue breads and veggies, I'm glad I got their before they started fondueing the meat. Anyway... it was really nice and we made Christmas cookies and watched a video Iris made of our "class field trip" to the art museum, then it was present time. I feel bad cause they invited me so late I didn't have time to get them presents, but I'll give them things when we return. I did give Robin a handkerchief I got from Japan, she really liked it. :) They're all so great. Everything I got had skulls on it. XD Iris gave me a really nice wallet, it's army green with a Nazi looking bird on one side and a skull on the other and a Little Apple Dolls pin (it's an apple with pins in it! so cute!). Tiffany gave me a pair of cut off gloves with skulls all over them. And Robin gave me some cute goth/punk ornaments, I'm going to hang them from my rear view mirror! I really love my friends. :) I gotta find something nice for Iris and Tiffany. It was a really nice time. I was so surprised and happy. Tiffany gave Robin and Iris GIANT candy canes (and pev that Iris is, got inspired to make some kind of sex video... O.o). Robin gave Iris a Naruto lunch tin with pocky in it and to Katie a Jesus pin and pretty faux pearl necklace. Iris gave Tiffany a satin Pirates of the Caribbean pillow case... and that's all I remember. Everyone had a fun time. I feel like a kid again. And so lucky to have such friends. After the presents we had wine and finished off the cookies and cocoa and played with popper/noisemakers. :) Very fun. I can't wait to see my friends at home too. I miss them. It'll be so fun and nice to see them. Hope the holiday season is being good to everyone!
~Under the moon rain I hate myself and want to...~
03 December 2006 @ 01:06 am
I was checking out one of my favourite culture jamming group's, ImprovEverywhere, website to see what they'd been up to and lo and behold a new "mission" had been added since last I looked. About 5 years ago, one of the guys from ImprovEverywhere impersonated Ben Folds at a bar in NYC... recently Ben Folds (did you know he lives in Music City? that was news to me!), invited ImprovEverywhere to pull a prank...


Have fun. It's rather amusing. And if anyone can help me find Hunter's Starbucks Culture Jamming project he supposedly uploaded to YouTube, I'd be much appreciative. It has posters reading "Is there a Starbucks Coffee near you? Destroy it." and "OMG STARBUCKS!" or something along those lines. I'm trying to find it, it was really good.
~Under the moon rain I hate myself and want to...~
26 November 2006 @ 11:19 pm
sorry i wasn't on last night as promised... computer issues, and tonight I must sleep because of class and an annoying headache from looking at the evil screen of my Dell *wants the Mac back* So again, *snugs* hopefully soon!
Current Music: ガゼット - D.L.N.
~Under the moon rain I hate myself and want to...~
26 November 2006 @ 07:57 pm
Nightmare's new concert DVD :)
there is other stuffs I'd like but that comes out just after Christmas... I love Naito...
As for Gazette's new single... hehe <.< yeah, getting that... >.> my dumb ass needs to save money... x.x but! I've not bought jrock stuffs online since I preordered NLSG... and not at all since 3 weeks time... unless you count magazines... which I don't... <.< cause I'm too addicted to stop. >.> *gets smacked*
Current Music: ガゼット - REGRET
~Under the moon rain I hate myself and want to...~
26 November 2006 @ 01:42 pm
You'd think having my Macbook in the shop would give me more reason to paint... ha lies I tell you lies~! What'd I do after dropping the Macbook off and snagging Boca and drinks at Red Robin (yes folks, I can do things by myself too... I'm learning! I am! plus the cute bartend made me random drinks he wanted me to try for free XD)... why I came home and dug out the Dell went through and ravished its programs to give it a little more speed and wham bam thank you ma'am I hit up the fanfiction. Although it's still slow as molasses in Alaska in winter. *sigh*

I still haven't for certain figured out my final of the three paintings, so it may end up being a two piece series... it's really hard to think of cliche self depriciative acts, suicides that are easily recognized. I don't want to be subtle, I want these pieces to speak out to the person looking at them. I want them to associate. I wanted to do something with pills, but it's awkward. I don't want to use hands again, since I'm doing cutting in one of the paintings already and nothing speaks better to me for that idea other than a limp hand and a spilt bottle. So that's nixed. Jumping would look stupid, unless I could manage to make one of my falling drawings work, which would mean going to kinkos again. And besides, I've never considered jumping, it's too... blah. The girl and toilet one, I'm not sure I could pull it off without a model and I don't think anyone would want to get naked for me to take a photograph of in my bathroom and I don't have my tripod (thanks for stealing it Dad). I've that sketch of an anorexia piece but it doesn't ftt with this theme set... it's more a bones and skin work I'm planning and it's for another series I'm working on...

Funny, I came here for fashion, but I've been working on paintings left and right. All I want to do is art, it doesn't matter what kind of art, sculpture, painting, fashion, graphic... as long as I am doing art I am happy.

What else can I come up with for this series? Hrmmmm. Ideas?
Current Music: Dir en grey - Umbrella